“With great persuasiveness, fear disguises itself with the Voice of Uncertainty, filling you with worry, doubt, and even dread. With its continuous haranguing, it undermines you with a loop of self-criticism.
Its dubious power comes from convincing you to turn away from your highest truth and succumb to the pain of the past. Every time fear wins, you lose. Every time you choose fear, you lose sight of your highest aspirations. You fall prey to being controlled by your history rather than rising to the future that you desire and deserve.
Fear screams out, “Don’t let go! Don’t give up your grudges, your anger, your grief, or your excuses!” Fear “taunts you, telling you that you will surely fail. It happily reminds you of all the times you tried and didn’t make it to where you wanted to go.
Fear is the monotonous monologue that was instilled in you from a very young age, always spouting its warnings: “Be careful. This can’t last. You don’t deserve it. No one can have it all. Who do you think you are?”
Instead of standing up for yourself and shouting back, “I am a powerful, confident, and worthy woman,” you succumb to fear, bow your head in shame, and continue on the path you are on, even if you don’t like it—and even if it’s taking you down.
The more depressing news is that if you don’t take up the battle with fear and win, the voice gets louder and louder with each passing year. It gains strength like a tropical storm. Before you know it, fear has the force and power of a hurricane sweeping through your life, destroying all you’ve worked for and all you’ve dreamed about.
If you’re not clear about how your Voice of Fear talks to you, ask yourself if maybe any of this sounds familiar:
You’re too fat.
“You’re too old.
You’re too short.
You’re too stupid.
You’re too uneducated.
Nobody wants you.
You won’t belong.
You’ll be rejected.
You’re good for nothing.
You’ll never amount to anything.
Your time has passed.
Maybe it shouts out:
It’s all your fault.
You made the wrong choices.
Your time has come and gone.
Maybe your Voice of Fear is more of a whisper, always telling you:
What are they going to think of you?
You’ll be teased, shunned, ashamed, embarrassed.
You’ll make a fool of yourself.”
“Maybe your Voice of Fear is doubt:
But what if it’s a mistake?
What if there isn’t anyone else for me?
What if I can’t get another job?
It’s gotta be my fault.
Don’t make a move yet—not till you’re sure.
There’s somebody else better for the job.
I’m never appreciative or grateful—that’s why things don’t work out for me.
Maybe it intrudes in your relationships and tells you:
Don’t open your mouth!
Don’t ask for what you need!
Don’t give too much!
Don’t open your heart!
Don’t try again!
Don’t let go of control!
Maybe the Voice of Fear is one of denial:
One day . . . some day . . .
I’ll handle it later.”
“I am better.
Look at how far I’ve come.
I’ve done enough.
If this is all I have, it’s okay.
Maybe your Voice of Fear is defensive or blaming:
It’s all their fault!
It shouldn’t have happened to me.
Why should I have to change?
Why do I have to get over it?
Why should I forgive?
I’ll show them!
They did it to me.
The world did it to me.
Maybe your Voice of Fear comes in the form of confusion:
I don’t know what to do.
I need help.
I don’t know what I want.
Maybe fear shows up as self-obsession, listening over and over again to why you don’t deserve the body you want, the love you want, the health and vitality that you want, the career that you want, or the intimacy that you want.
Or maybe fear appears as the proverbial pity party that takes place when real grief goes undigested and unhealed:
I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it.
I can’t believe this has happened to me.
I don’t think anybody really understands what I’ve gone through.
At the end of the day, no one really cares.”
Excerpt From: Debbie Ford & Wayne W. Dyer. “Courage.”